Amanda's Story Part III: The Arrival of Our Rainbow Baby

Be sure to read Part I and Part II of my story!

At 35 weeks and 5 days pregnant late on a Saturday afternoon I lost my mucus plug in two major portions. I read that it was likely I would have my baby within 48 hours since this wasn't my first pregnancy. Shocked, I called my husband and broke the news to him. Thankfully he was at Target, so I sent him the list of things we needed for our home birth. One of my friends was hanging out with me, and she wandered around the house with me while I frantically threw supplies in my laundry basket. Sometime that night I began having irregular contractions, so I didn't get good sleep.

The next morning we stayed home from church because I was still having contractions, and we didn't know what would happen. For the entire day, I recorded contractions with nothing to report. Sometimes they were 15 minutes apart and other times 4 minutes apart. They also didn't feel very intense. I kept in touch with my midwife but she didn't need to come yet. She called the pharmacy to try ordering medication to ease the contractions so I could rest, but it was too late by the time she called.

I had slept for about two hours Sunday night when I woke up at midnight feeling a lot of fluid coming out. It was mostly blood. Then when I sat on the toilet, a fist-sized clot came out. I had already called my midwife Chanah and she asked me to send a picture of what came out (lovely, huh?) since she didn't live around the corner. After seeing it, she started packing her things and preparing coffee to come down. After hanging up, I felt the baby move several times. Joseph and I thanked God for this but were both shaking furiously. After several minutes of breathing deeply and prayer, we were calmer and started watching TV.

Chanah arrived around 2am and told us there were three possibilities for the blood. She did some tests, felt the bag of water still in tact, and felt the baby's head. Her tests revealed that I just had a lot of bloody show, which is another thing that can happen before labor really begins (but can also occur during labor). However, it's usually not as much as I had. She called the other midwife planning to be at my labor, Rebekah, and began preparing her things for the birth. We were ecstatic and a bit shocked that the baby was already coming! I was 4 cm dilated and 100% effaced!

My contractions continued to be irregular all night though and we were all tired by morning. Joseph did go sleep for several hours while the midwives kept me company. The midwives each took a nap also, but I couldn't sleep. I tried to just rest, but I was the one having contractions, not them! I ate yogurt and some other snacks to keep up my energy. At 9am, Chanah called the pharmacy to try to get the medicine to ease my contractions again. Elijah was picked up by my in-laws and Joseph went to a chiropractic appointment. Rebekah left to get her car smogged, and Chanah went to get the medication for me. Before she left for the medication, I told her, "I think my contractions are coming more regularly now and they feel harder." She left to get the medication anyway.

I took the medication promptly and also took a shower to help me feel more chipper. Nearly an hour later, I was still feeling contractions. Chanah said that I was in active labor then because the medication would have worked if I wasn't. So everyone was called back. Joseph made some lunch when he got home. I ate some eggs. We all watched The Great British Baking Show together for a few hours. With each contraction, I leaned over and breathed calmly through it. As time went on though, I got back labor--terrible pain in my back with every contraction that eased slightly between each one. Chanah had a device that attached to my back to send slight electric shocks to it for easing the pain, and it certainly helped! My back still hurt, but it was much more bearable.

Around 2:45pm I told them I felt like I was ready to push, and we moved to the bedroom. I wanted to be there so I wouldn't have to move far to my bed after the birth. On my knees and leaning over the bed for support, I pushed through 5-6 contractions. To my surprise, I began yelling through each push, like when you're putting all your effort into something. I hadn't made a peep while delivering Elijah. Not long before delivery, I felt that intense "ring of fire" pain! Whoa, there's nothing else like that! And I said, "I feel like I'm gonna poop!" Chanah said, "No, you're gonna have a baby!" With the next contraction, Josiah was born! Joseph and the midwives got to see his little face as he slid right out into Rebekah's waiting arms. Immediately, the midwives prepared a spot for me to sit against the wall on the floor and handed Josiah over to me. He was perfect.

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Amanda's Story Part II: Pregnancy After Loss

It was late August, and I knew my period would start any day unless I was pregnant. On a whim, I decided to take a pregnancy test while my son was watching cartoons after lunch. It was positive, just barely! I knew it was very early. My husband was in the middle of teaching his class, so I called my midwife to share the good news. Then, I began to ponder how I would reveal the news to my husband. I didn't have this opportunity before because he was always nearby when I took pregnancy tests before. I put a note inside a bucket of peanuts that said, "We're expecting a little peanut in May 2017." However, I started bleeding within two hours of the positive test. My midwife ordered blood tests for the following week to see if my hormone levels were rising. Through tears, I told my husband what had happened and gave him the peanuts anyway. He kept my note as a sign of hope. One week later, after two blood draws, the results confirmed that I was still pregnant and I had stopped bleeding after a couple days. Apparently it was implantation bleeding. Our prayers and those of our family members and close friends were answered positively. With a smile on my face and fear in my heart, we proceeded.

At 7 weeks pregnant, the report from my weekly blood draw was significantly lower than the previous week, so we figured I was miscarrying. I cried and wondered "Why?!" I went to my old OB office for an ultrasound at the end of the day, and the baby was still alive! We were shocked, so shocked that I couldn't speak. We believe the lab reported incorrect numbers that week.

The next week, I switched labs. At 9 weeks pregnant, there was a minor drop in my levels, so we were concerned again. We once again got an ultrasound at the end of the day and it confirmed baby was still alive! My HcG levels had started dropping which can begin happening during week 8, though my midwives were surprised at how early this was happening.

During these early weeks I pleaded with God to not let our baby die before many years of life on this earth. I couldn't fathom another loss. I was afraid I would enter a deep depression. I moved forward each day with numb emotions about the pregnancy. I didn't want to get too excited, and I wasn't sure who to tell. I ended up telling just a couple friends so they would pray for me. I tried to focus on my son's schooling, as I had decided to start homeschooling him and he was at PreK level.

At 15 weeks pregnant, I started bleeding, a lot. I picked up Joseph early from work and we tried to find a place in town for me to get an ultrasound immediately. We couldn't find one and my bleeding was increasing, so we went to the ER. I was admitted immediately, and soon after had an ultrasound where we saw our live baby! We couldn't believe it! We couldn't understand how I could bleed so much and still be pregnant. Several hours later, the ER doctor pulled us back and explained that the bleeding was caused because my placenta is low, which is known as placenta previa. She said it likely would move, but if it didn't, I would have to have a C-section.

A few days after this my baby started moving! It was such a relief to feel him move while I continued to bleed through my healing. I spent about a month in bed and on the couch so the bleeding would stop. We continued to pray for the baby, and also for the placenta to move. I preferred to not have a C-section and had been planning a home birth.

I didn't take many pictures of my growing belly during this pregnancy. I felt like I would get too attached if I did that and then lost the baby. And I resented the quick growth of my belly if I was just going to lose the baby.

About three weeks after my ER visit, we had an appointment with a specialist. She said the placenta was no longer near the cervix but still low. I was given clearance to be more active, but nothing strenuous, like lifting heavy things or working out hard. We also learned we were having another boy! We were thrilled!

20 weeks pregnant

After this, my fear level kicked up into high gear. If I didn't feel the baby move for 20-30 minutes, I began to worry about him. I would poke at my belly or eat some sugar to spur his movement. I often would pray, too, that God would ease my fear by letting me feel him move. Several times a day I felt this fear. It was overwhelming my brain. I was feeling consumed by my fear. I shared this with my husband and closest friends, so they began to pray for this specifically. After a couple months, the level of my fear subsided. Through prayer and studying Scripture, God helped me trust in Him.

Two and half months after our first visit with the specialist we returned for a checkup, and the placenta had moved! I no longer had placenta previa, so I could lift my son again, as needed, and continue planning for a home birth!

31 weeks pregnant in Yosemite

Did you read Part I of my story? Read it here: Amanda's Story of Loss

Read the final chapter of this story at Amanda's Story Part III: The Arrival of Our Rainbow Baby

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Nicole's Story

I met my husband William, who has been called Tiger since childhood, in 2002. We had our first son in 2004. He was the first of four sons we had, all whom were born “sick” in one way or another. Our first two sons were both born with Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH). CDH is a birth defect where the diaphragm doesn’t form properly in the womb. The exact cause of this is unknown, though researchers believe it’s caused by both genetic and environmental factors. Our firstborn spent 19 days in the NICU and had surgery at just 8 days old. He’s one of a small percentage of CDH survivors, and now attends junior high. Soon after this, I had an early miscarriage.

In 2006 and 2009, we had daughters. On March 6, 2012 I was 26 weeks pregnant with Brayden and went into labor. Just before delivery, I had an ultrasound and the technician found that he also had CDH. Everything felt like a blur after that. I called my husband from the delivery room to tell him that Brayden had CDH. After having him, I knew he wasn’t going to survive long, so I didn’t want to see him. I finally saw him a couple hours after delivery due to my mom and husband begging me to do so. He only lived 36 hours. I felt emotionally numb after losing Brayden. Our other kids didn’t ask a lot of questions and seemed to understand. The local children’s hospital gave them lots of gifts to support our family.

After losing Brayden, I got pregnant again very quickly, but went into labor again at 26 weeks pregnant in October, just seven months after losing Brayden. We hadn’t planned to get pregnant again so quickly, and I felt both happy and scared about it. Since I went into full labor, I had an emergency C-section. I felt like this was a replay of what happened with Brayden, and it was a blur again. I had hemorrhages, and baby Camden was immediately taken to the NICU and never left. His health was up and down for nearly a month until the last few days when he declined quickly due to bleeding on the brain. I stayed in the hospital the whole time while my mom took care of our other kids. I clearly remember sitting next to Camden in the NICU being told there was nothing else that could be done, and then the doctors and nurses all tried to encourage me. I couldn’t believe I was losing another son.

Two years later I was pregnant with our youngest son, Talon, and went into labor at 34 weeks. Before his birth we knew he had dilated kidneys. I saw a neurologist while I was pregnant and after his delivery. He spent one week in the NICU. At just under one year old, Talon had his first kidney surgery and had another surgery at just over two years old. I’m constantly seeing doctors or specialists with Talon because he also has sleep apnea, autism, and trouble gaining weight.

In 2016, I had our youngest daughter, but her daddy never met her or knew I was having a girl. At just 29 years old, my husband Tiger passed away two days before Father’s Day in 2016. I found him at four in the morning not breathing. The kids were still asleep when the ambulance came and didn’t see anything.

At 36 weeks pregnant with our youngest daughter, I had a planned C-section. She had breathing problems, and then a collapsed lung, leading to a week-long stay in the hospital. The anesthesia for the surgery didn’t work right. The doctors believe some of it got to her, which caused the problem. Thankfully, she’s had no problems since then.

We moved to my mom’s house after Tiger died. I spend my days caring for my children and helping care for a friend’s child for a few hours each day. Our days look normal, but we talk about Brayden, Camden, and Tiger often. They were all cremated and their urns stand next to each other in a visible place. Even Talon knows which one belongs to each person. The kids share their memories of their dad and Camden. We have pictures all over of all of them, too.

Angelversaries are emotional. We celebrate the birthdays of all my children with cake and ice cream, and we also have a balloon release for Brayden and Camden. I rarely get a moment to myself, but when I do, I replay the losses of my boys and husband. I wouldn’t wish any of my struggles on anyone. 

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Future Plans

This organization has already been blessed and continues to grow with all of your support! Here are some things we hope to accomplish within the next year:

We would like to have a consistent number of care packages going out every month. By this, we mean that we want to be able to help more people going through this loss. We know there is still a stigmatism in society saying that you shouldn’t talk about miscarriage or child loss and we hope that by sharing our stories that we can reach out to more families so they don’t feel the need to suffer in silence.

We would like to see consistent monthly donors. Although we welcome and appreciate every donation we get, we know that unless we get consistent donations, we cannot consistently deliver care packages to families. We're working on a new "Sponsor a Family" campaign, so be watching for it!

We would like to follow up with families that receive our packages as well as send out cards on Mother's Day, Father's Day, around Christmas, and on angelverssaries for the first year. We'll have small gatherings to help us accomplish this task.

We want to open up a private group on Facebook to connect grieving families with other families that have lost a child. This gives them a place where others understand what they are going through, a safe place to talk about their angels, and share their resources. We just need to figure out the do's and don'ts of our group.

We hope to continue growing our site and adding more resources as well as stories from those who have lost a child. If you're among those who have lost a child, we can help you write your story if it's not written. We can interview you, and then write it for you.

We plan to reach out to local hospitals like Kaweah Delta and provide them with information on what we do. We hope that in return they will share our information with grieving parents so that we can provide them with a care package and information about other resources to help them with the grief.

We would like to reach out and establish a connection to other local churches, MOPs groups and mom groups. On April 20, we'll be sharing with the Hanford MOPs group! We'll be putting together simple little packets soon to deliver to churches, other nonprofits, and businesses.

We would like to make a connection with other nonprofits that have a similar cause. We would like to work with them and guide those who receive our care packages to them because a community is stronger when they work together.

We would like to partner with local businesses. This will help spread our mission, gain more support and donations. If you or someone you know owns a local business, please contact us to see how you can help!

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Always in Our Hearts 2017

On February 4, 2017 we held our first live event called Always in Our Hearts. The purpose was to raise awareness for child loss and our ministry, as well as collect donations for our care packages. We were so blessed! We have several storage tubs full of items for our packages now, plus money to purchase books about grieving. If you were able to give, volunteer, or attend, we thank you so much! You're making this ministry happen!

Both of us shared our stories of child loss and hope, which you can also read by clicking on our tabs at the top of the page. We shared lots of things about our ministry, including why we started, what we have accomplished, and our future hopes. Each of these subjects will be expanded upon in other posts.

We were blessed to have April Gibbons with Thrive Life set up to make jar meals. Fifteen jar meals were made by people who attended! These are easy meals that you just have to throw into boiling water for 10-15 minutes. They're very much appreciated in times of difficulty.

We had lots of amazing desserts donated by several people. We didn't have any shortage in dessert. Everyone got to sample several! They were all beautiful and delicious! Thank you to our dessert donaters! We couldn't have done this without you!

Finally, we had a beautiful memorial wall. The hearts are in memory of children lost, and the suns are the hope or encouragement found after the loss. It was both beautiful and heartbreaking to look at.

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Tiffani's Story

My husband and I have been married for 13 years. We married young and had our first child, Noah, at 20 years old. We were so overjoyed and excited to have him! I grew up in a small family, and my husband grew up in a larger family. After our first child, I was torn about having any more children. I had a tough upbringing and parenting scared me. To top it off, I spent the first 2 years of my little Noah's life alone. My husband, Bryan, is in the military and was deployed for 6 months along with many other underway periods in a very short amount of time. After much prayer and discussions, we decided to try again for another child. It took a few months to conceive and unfortunately, my husband deployed again before he could be told of our positive test results. As joyful of an occasion as this was, I was terrified because I would be spending most of the pregnancy alone, and if this pregnancy was anything like the last, I was in for a battle with my body. I have fibromyalgia and pregnancy makes it much worse. My first pregnancy had no other complications outside of the muscle pain, so I did not expect to do anything different from the last.

With my husband gone, my mom and I decided to do some baby shopping and enjoy the excitement of a new child even if I couldn't share it with my husband. We had a favorite second-hand baby store we loved to visit and a few weeks after my positive test results, found ourselves in the store. They had a gorgeous ebony crib and dresser set that was virtually brand new. What a score! My mom was so excited for her second grandchild that she decided to buy the set and we headed to the register. While we were in the store, I had been experiencing some mild cramping and discomfort but I wasn't too afraid. I headed for a quick restroom break while my mom finished up the purchase and I was astonished to find that I was spotting, and more than a little at that. I panicked and went immediately to my mom. The store agreed to hold the furniture while she swept me off to the ER. It was here that I found out that my baby no longer had a heart beat. Being in ER, they couldn't really say I was miscarrying. They encouraged me to go home, rest for the remainder of the weekend and seek a follow up appointment with my doctor on Monday. I set the earliest appointment I could get for Monday and headed off to the doctor. No husband. No mom. Just me and a friend.

The doctor confirmed my fear. My baby, now at 13 weeks had no heart beat. In fact, the baby had stopped growing at 6-7 weeks. I was devastated. The doctor was very nice, but very factual as well. She had delivered my first child, so we had some history, but she didn't beat around the bush. She told me that miscarriage is one of the most common and most un-talked about medical events. There are more miscarriages than live births among women of the world, including the United States. So many women miscarry that they often don't even know they were pregnant. They experience a heavier period after a missed or late month, but had never taken a test to know that this was a miscarriage. Although her facts were new to me, I did not take them with grace that day. I was mad, I was hurt, I was devastated. How could she compare my lost child to another lady's missed period? It wasn't until a few days later that I decided to test that theory.

At the time, I had 2 pregnant sister-in-laws and a few pregnant friends. It was so hard to be around them. So I began talking to them and to everyone that would hear me. I spoke about my pain, my loss, and my inability to cope with it. With this open and complete abandon approach to dealing with my emotions, I found that the doctor was right. So many of my friends and acquaintance had lost children. Some had lost even more than one. Some had lost 9, 10, 11 or more...but kept on trying. I was not alone.

I cried out to God. I got angry at God. I had lost a child after finally deciding that 2 children was what I wanted. My husband was gone and unable to support me or share with me in this pain. I was broken. I remember the pain of having to tell my husband about losing our child. I remember the utter silence on the other end of the phone from the far reaches of the world. He was floating in the Persian Gulf. He was alone. He was broken. We were blessed that as I actively contracted in labor and lost our child, sitting at home, alone...my husband was on the other line for a small part of it. He wanted to be with me and help me; He wanted to make it all go away. We only had about 20 minutes together on the phone that day...to share in the loss of our child. Then I labored alone. In the dark. Crying out to God.

My husband later told me that he crumbled. He didn't know what to do. He reached out to his chaplain on board the ship but found no comfort or solace as he was encouraged to go back to work because these things happen and he can't change it. His shop heard of his loss and unbeknownst to him, sent me a beautiful flower arrangement. I was touched. I cried for hours. They had seen the special need I had for someone to acknowledge the pain and loss I was suffering. I remember sitting there, with the flowers sitting before me, my husband thousands of miles away, and my heart crying out to God and finding a moment of healing. A small glimpse of all the moments it would take to heal (never completely) from the loss of my baby. I pulled out my notebook and I wrote. I wrote a love song, a poem, a cry to my unborn child. I poured out my heart. When I was done, I closed the notebook, put it away and started to pick up the pieces. It didn't happen right away, but over time, I was able to find healing and to move forward with the life that God had called me to. I started to see God's bigger picture. My husband's deployment was stretched from 6 months to 9 months. He would have missed the birth of our special little one. There were quite a few major events that happened in the next year that tore my soul into pieces and nearly broke not only me, but our marriage. God's timing is perfect. Even when I cry out against him. After the loss of our angel baby, I thought I would never try again to have a child. I have 3 children now. Two rainbow babies.

I have told my children of their special sibling in heaven. My oldest doesn't talk about it much. But my middle one, the one born after our angel baby, talks of his sibling in heaven all the time. He is 8 now, but has been talking about his baby sibling since he was about 4 or so. He says he knows she must have been a beautiful girl. He talks about how God made our family perfect with 2 boys and 2 girls, one in heaven. I did not ever find out the gender of our baby. But he has dreamed of her. He is sure that he has a sister in heaven and will know who she is when he gets to heaven. I am touched that God allowed my sweet little boy to have such a heart for the sibling he will never know until he gets to heaven.

I think it is really important for mothers who have lost to talk about their lost children. To keep their memory alive. To find solace in the arms of other mothers who have also lost. You are not alone. We share in your pain. We too seek to hold you and support you in this time of loss. May God bless you and hold you as you are in this tunnel. There is light on the other side. Healing does come.

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How can you help Sent from Heaven?

There is likely at least one family in the Valley who loses a child each day. These families need to be reached. Often this subject is not talked about or only talked about a little because people don’t know what to do or say. But these families are hurting, big time. It’s the most painful loss next to losing a spouse or other living children. And yet, people rarely get time off work to grieve about it.
There are so many ways you can help us right now and over time. Right now, we’re holding our first annual donation drive October 1-15, in honor of Pregnancy, Infant, and Child Loss Awareness Month. Here are some things we need donated

• Journals for men and women. We want to make sure that journals are included for both the mom and dad. We may even include one for an older child, if that suits the family. You can pick up journals inexpensively at places like Hobby Lobby and other craft stores. Joann’s in Visalia is going out of business right now, so you can likely get journals really cheap there. I often see journals in the Dollar Spot at Target, too.
• Meal gift cards. We would like to try to include gift cards to non-chain restaurants to help support our local community. As we’re our locally-based organization, we want to support our local businesses. A gift card in the amount of at least $30 is needed for each care package. Costco actually does sell some gift cards to local places at a discount.
• Tissue. Small pocket packages or boxes are fine. Get it in bulk for cheap at Costco or someplace similar. I saw 3-packs of pocket tissues in the Dollar Spot at Target recently.
• Amazon gift cards. These would be used to purchase books about grieving the loss of child.
• Donations for children’s books. Click the box on the left-side of this page that’s about donating for children’s books. For families with other children who will be grieving, we want to include a book for those children. Your donation here will also help us raise funds to purchase supplies for our care packages.
• Healthy snacks. I would love to see us supporting local places with this purchase also, like snacks from Central Valley Snacks downtown on Main Street or The Naked Nut. I know there are other places that I can’t even think of either. Make sure it’s a non-perishable snack. Or if you sell or purchase Thrive food, I would love to include a bag of Snackies. Some good snack options would be dried fruit, fruit leather, granola bars, veggie chips, etc.
• Memorial jewelry. I’m looking to my Premier Designs jewelers for help with this one. Many of you received an email from me recently asking for donations of Heaven and Identity necklaces. I can’t get enough of these on my own and need your help!
• Bibles. It doesn’t need to be fancy. A simple paperback Bible in an easy-to-read translation will be perfect. An NIV or NLT translation would be great. I saw a small paperback Bible at Hobby Lobby recently for about $2.
• iTunes and Google Play gift cards. We will use these to purchase and send downloads of a song to each family. You can purchase this in bulk for a discount at Costco, or at most other large chain stores.
• Coffee or tea. Hot drinks are comforting and reviving. I would love to see coffee from local roasters like Tazzaria or Maverick’s. Tea could just be purchased at grocery stores. Costco usually sells some in bulk. I would recommend an herbal tea, and perhaps something that’s soothing like chamomile. I would like to include at least a half pound of coffee and/or a box of tea in each package.
• Baskets or open-top containers. We don’t need anything large because the largest item being put in our package is a book. You can find colorful plastic baskets at the Dollar Tree that would work great. Again, since Joann’s is going out of business you can also check there for clearance items.

There are other ways you can help!

We need you to spread the word! Tell your pastors, friends, MOPs groups, etc. about us. Share and like our page on Facebook.

We need more prayer partners. We will soon start sending out a regular monthly update to our prayer partners with our praises and prayer requests. If you’d like to be part of our prayer team, please let us know!

We need helpers or more members for our board of directors. Currently, just three of us are behind this whole thing, but we’re going to need more brains for ideas and hands to serve. If you want to be part of this ongoing or a case-by-case basis, let us know.

We need you to write your story. If you have lost a child in some way, we want to share your story with our community. It’s healing and helpful to know you’re not alone when you can find stories from others about their loss. It also helps you know what to expect in the coming months. If you’re not a writer, Amanda can interview you and write it for you. Otherwise, she’ll just edit your story once you write it. During October, we would like to publish several stories each week in honor of this being Child Loss Awareness Month.

We need help making lists of churches and services, especially in cities outside Visalia. If you can point us to a website with this information or recommend places to us, please send them.

 We need a social media expert. We won’t be able to continue running all our accounts by ourselves, and we’re not geniuses at this social media stuff. We want to grow our Facebook and Instagram accounts to reach more people, of course. If you would like to volunteer to help us with this now, we would be honored and thankful. If you can discount your services, let us know. If you know someone, get us in touch.

We need a graphic designer. Again, we’re not experts at designing flyers or websites, but we need to look professional and polished. If you can donate your services or discount them, we would greatly appreciate it!

We need a lawyer or an intern at a law firm to help us with all the legal paperwork. We heard from another non-profit in town that they were able to get their paperwork and help for the first year done pro-bono. We definitely need that kind of help. If you or someone you know can help with this, please put us in touch.

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What's in a care package from Sent from Heaven?

We will craft each care package to each family. However, each package will contain some standard items. Each item we have chosen reflects what we cherished and needed most during our times of loss. Some items may be used more immediately, while others may be used over the year after. Additionally, these items may change over time, but as we start up, this is what we’re planning to include.

Standard items:

• Tissue.Aubin recalls not having any tissue around when she lost Liam and likely went through a lot of toilet paper, paper towels, and napkins instead.
• Journals. Moms and dads can use a private place to record their thoughts during this difficult time.
• Meal gift cards, preferably from local restaurants. Typically, families will receive meals from friends and family for a period of time, but once the leftovers run out, it will still be difficult to get dinner on the table. Since this a locally-based organization, we would love to include gift cards to local places (non-chain). Costco sells gift cards to several fabulous local restaurants, including the Jessen Restaurant Group (Tazzaria, Pizanos, Glick’s, etc.) and Pita Kabob.
• A book. This will vary depending on the type of loss the family experienced, but we would like to include at least one book from our list of recommendations.
• Healthy snacks. Again, we would love to see snacks from local places like The Naked Nut and Central Valley Snacks, or even Snackies from my Thrive friends. During a time of loss, you don’t want to go grocery shopping and you’re probably not that hungry, so healthy snacks fit the bill.
• Memorial jewelry. I (Amanda) work for Premier Designs Jewelry and cherished our Heaven necklace immediately after my losses. I even gifted one to Aubin, which I know she also cherishes. It’s a beautiful reminder of where our babies are now and that we’re living for heaven, not this life. We may also include the Identity dog tag necklace for men in our care package.
• An outfit from LuLaRue. It’s always nice to get something new. It’s especially nice to get something new during a difficult time. And the best thing about LuLaRue is you don’t have to go to a store!
• Music. It’s very healing for most people, and we’d like to include a download of “Thy Will” by Hillary Scott or “Trust in You” by Lauren Daigle that would be sent by email to the family.
• A list of local churches and other services. We know of a lot of the churches in Visalia, but have little to no knowledge of churches in surrounding cities. We are also aware of a support group for child loss in Visalia and counseling services. We just need information about these things in other cities.

Other possible items:

• Bibles. If we know that a family doesn’t have a Bible or may not believe in Jesus, we want to include a Bible. Often God and religion is scrutinized during times of despair, so we want to make sure families have the Truth to read.
• Children’s book. If the family have other children who are grieving the loss of a sibling, we will include a book from Usborne based on the child’s age and need. Right now we’re holding a book drive for these books, so you can donate $25 to buy one Cuddle Bear book set or two Here in the Garden books.
• A pedicure and/or manicure. A few weeks or months after the dust settles, it’s a good idea to get out and do something fun. Being pampered is a great option during this time, too. We need to get in contact with some local salons to see if they can donate this.
• Coffee.It’s comforting and you often don’t sleep well during a time of loss, so it’s a great gift. Again, coffee from local roasters, like Maverick’s and Tazzaria would be our preference. Not everyone likes coffee though, so we wouldn't include this with every package. We may include tea instead.

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Why are we starting Sent from Heaven?

First, we (Amanda and Aubin) have both been through the pain of losing a child. It’s the most painful event we have ever faced. Losing our husbands and our other living children are the only things that could be as or more painful. It’s been nearly a year since we both lost children, so we have some perspective on this situation now that we didn’t before, even several months ago.

Second, we have recognized that people don’t want to or don’t know how to talk about losing a child. Even other women who have lost children don’t seem to want to talk about it. However, we believe sharing in our pain brings healing. It has for us! Aubin has asked many other women who have lost children what would help them, and all of them have said they want to read more stories about women who share in their loss. Thus, we want to provide that. We would like to publish more stories on our blog from women who have lost a child, no matter how that loss happened. Maybe this sounds morbid to you, but it makes us feel like we’re not alone. Often our society doesn’t want to hear about this topic, but people need to know that other people understand their pain. And the majority of people who don’t have to face this loss need to gain a better understanding of what it feels like to lose a child so they can better reach out to their friends when they do lose a child.

Third, people don’t know what to do or say when you lose a child. Sent from Heaven is here to help bridge this gap. If you have a friend who loses a child in our area (Central Valley, CA), we want you to give our care package as a gift from you. If you don’t leave near us, you can put together your own care package based on what we’re putting in ours, or do something else.

If you have lost a child, would you please consider sharing your story with our growing community. Email us at sentfromheavenvisalia@gmail.com to let us know you want to contribute. You don’t even have to write it yourself! Amanda is a writer and editor, so she can conduct an interview and write your story for you.

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